Our beauty hidden by fear. [Continued]

Responding to the invitations of Jesus often feels like the riskiest thing we've ever done.Webster defines "risk" as exposing one's life to the possibility of injury,damage,or loss. Living our lives under God's authority is a profound risk. The risk of loving others.The risk of stepping out and offering,speaking up and following our God-given dreams.The risk of playing the irreplaceable role that is ours to play. Of course it is hard. If it were easy,you'd see lots of people living this way.The reason we fear to step out is because we know that it might not go well (is that an understatement?).We have a history of wounds screaming at us to play is safe.We feel so deeply that if it doesn't go well,if we are not received well,their reaction becomes the verdict on our lives,on our very beings,on our hearts.We fear that our deepest doubts about ourselves will be confirmed.Again.That is why we can only risk stepping out when we are resting in the love of God.When we have received HIS verdict on our lives-that we are chosen and dearly loved.That He finds captivating.Then we are free to offer.

You could say that people did not respond very well to Jesus' love,to his stepping out in faith and playing the role that was his alone to play.And that would be a ridiculous understatement!The very people that Jesus died for hurled insults at him,mocked him,spat at him,crucified him.Jesus had to trust his Father profoundly, with his very being.Peter uses him as our example saying, "Follow in his steps...He did not retaliate when he was insulted.When he suffered,he did not threaten to get even.He left his case in the hands of God" (1 Peter 2:21-23 NLT). Or,as another translation has it, "he entrusted himself" to God.He was okay.He entrusted himself to God.

But we can't wait to offer our lives until we have our acts together.We don't get that luxury.If we did,would anyone ever feel like offering anything?God asks us to be vulnerable.He invites us to share and give in our weakness.He wants us to offer the beauty that he has given us even when we are keenly aware that it is not all that we wish it was.He wants us to trust him.

How it turns out is no longer the point.Living in this way,is a choice we make because it is the person we want to be.It is our loving response to our Lord's invitation.

Captivating. -John and Stasi Eldredge

Lets do it.

Let God guide.

Ok...as most of you know,I watch two little girls a couple days a week...(see picture.lol) And just a little while ago I took them outside to play. Every time I take them out,at least one of them (sometimes both at the same time) start running for the road...and it happens to be a very busy road. So each time I have to go chasing after them,swoop them up,or guide them back to the yard where it's safe.Minutes later,they try again. Yes,it's frustrating,but I try to remember they are only little kids,and really don't know better. Then I realized. That's like us and God. We are the little kids running toward the road. We can't see it's dangerous,and that we could get hurt.No! It looks fun,and since someone trys to hold us back from going out there,then there must be something we're missing out on,right? Right. How often we forget that God is constantly watching us,guiding us,and swooping us up,away from danger. (By the way,I'm NOT trying to say I'm ANYTHING like God...hahaha.Trust me,I'm far from that!)We push away from His guiding hand,and try to continue to the "road". Seriously,think about it. There are things in life you might want to do and try...maybe you're in a relationship,you know is wrong.Maybe you're just wondering away from Him. Can you feel God trying to pull you back? Yet we still fight...Don't you think God gets frustrated? I'm sure He does.But think about the tremendous amount of patience He has with us!He could just let us wonder into the "road" and let us find out for ourselves just how dangerous it is. We could get seriously hurt. And yet,WE get frustrated and angry with God for holding us back...Wow. So,as you go about doing whatever you're doing today,try to keep that in mind...lets try and see the big picture...and try to remember God IS guiding YOUR life...He knows what He's doing. Don't fight Him. Let Him guid you back into the "yard" where it's safe. :)

Caleb,a true miracle!

...7 years ago yesterday I was in the cities with my family,anxiously awaiting the arrival of my brother.Crazy.I can NOT believe how fast time has flown.How much he has progressed.

When we first found out Caleb had hydrocephalus,(fluid on the brain)the doctors said he most likely wouldn't make it. They tentatively advised abortion.Of course,my parents said no.June 11 2002,Caleb Dennis Kosobucki was born. Still,the doctors said he still might not make it.

After a few days later he was transferred to a different hospital where they did tests and such...they said he would make it,but would most likely never talk,walk,or be able to take care of himself.

A year and a half later.Caleb had already made a lot of progress...and was doing better then the doctors ever thought.He was still being fed by a tube,and couldn't talk,but was doing great.A physical therapist was at our house....she had been working with him for a while. She told us that if he wasn't walking by two years old,he would never walk.

Well,he sure didn't walk by two. But we worked at it...and by the time he did,he was 3 and a half,able to walk by holding both of your hands.By this time we had three therapists coming...one for speech,one for O.T and a different P.T. We was starting to talk,laugh,and feed himself with finger food.He was doing so much more then ever expected. Doctors were amazed.

Caleb has endured so much. I can't remember for sure how many surgeries he has had. I can remember four...but I was 9 when he was born,so I can't remember if he has had more then four.

We still have those therapists coming every week,and Caleb is still learning more and more every day.He can now walk on his own,without any help. He isn't the sturdiest,and he still falls,but it's amazing he can do as well as he can!

One of the many special things about Caleb is his talent with the piano. He LOVES music. You can sit him down at the piano with you,cover his eyes,play a key,and he can name it. Yeah. Talk about perfect pitch! (After 9 years of taking piano lessons,something I haven't always wanted to do,I wish I could do that!)And he can now name alot of sharps too...but we're still working on that. =]

Yesterday my mom,Caleb and I went to Superior to go shopping and such...We went into Wal-mart,and my mom had a lot of things to get,so I offered to take him. (Usually he rides in the cart with my mom...) But I decided not to take him in the cart like I usually do. So hand in hand we went around Wal-mart and "explored". We looked at toys,bikes,sport stuff....all that. Things have been so crazy busy for me,I haven't taken a whole lot of time to spend with him lately...I was amazed to see how much he really has like,grown up! How much more he knows...and has learned. It's crazy! A while later,we caught up with our mom,and he was getting thirsty,so Caleb and I decided to head out to the car until my mom came.I had to pick up a couple things (Mountain Dew,gum,ect.)so we went through the self checkout,and I showed him how to "beep" (as he called it) the things across the machine. The delight on his face on the "funny noises" it made,and that he was doing what I was doing.It was so special and priceless.

I love my brother SOOOOO much,and I often forget what a real miracle he really is. I'm ashamed at how many times I'm "too busy" to read a simple story to him,or wrestle around with him on the floor playing his version of football...or "too busy" to play drums with him after church...He is growing up so fast,and in the "business" of my life I'm missing out. Are you taking time to spend time with someone you love? Sometimes you have to MAKE time. Time is going so fast,and before you know it,it might be too late to "play legos" or "race cars". =] Take time today to spend time with someone you love.

Our beauty hidden by fear.

Fear.Isn't that why we hide,why we strive,why we control,why we do anything BUT offer beauty?We are afraid.We have given way to fear.Just think about your life-why you do the things you do.Have you asked yourself how much you are motivated by fear?That is why God says to us,"In repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength."(Isa.30:15)In repentance and rest.He loves it when we,gripped with doubt and fear that He will not be enough,turn the gaze of our souls to Him in hope.He loves to prove Himself faithful and more than enough to satisfy out hungry souls.When we do turn to Him,our souls rest and we are saved.Again.And again.
We can't wait until we feel safe to love and invite.In fact,if you feel a little scared,then you're probably on the right path.Of course it's scary.It's vulnerable.God calls us to stop hiding,to stop dominating,to trust Him and to offer out true selves.He wants us to bring to bear the weight of our lives and all that He has given to us,worked into us and offer it to our world.To entice,allure, and invite others to Jesus by reflecting His glory in our lives.He will give no guarantee that others will enjoy us and respond well.In fact,we can be sure that there WILL be times when they do not.Jesus offered like no other,and many rejected Him.In those moments or seasons when that happens to us,God's invitation is to bring our sorrow to Him.Not shut down with "I'll never try that again".But to keep our hearts open and alive,and find refuge and healing in HIS love.

-Captivating. By John and Stasi Eldredge

I found this sooo true.So amazing. Read it again. Don't let your fear hide your real and true beauty!